I´m working for it and it feels kindda good

When I was growing up I never had to work at being good at anything. I passed high school with decent grades and opened veeeery few text books during the process. 

I never had to force myself into learning a dance step. It came naturally to me. It was like breathing, I didn´t have to think about it, it just happened naturally to me. 

I never had to train my body to kick a soccer ball. I just knew where the ball was going to be and how to kick it so it could go where I needed it to be. 

I never had to read ten times to understand what I was reading. I never had to pull an all nighter with a smarter friend because I didn´t understand the subject. I passed most of my classes in college with minimum effort and OK grades. 

I never had to work at being/feeling attractive. I really was. I´ve always felt comfortable in my own skin. I don´t try, I just succeed. I never think about how to pick up the guy. I just let my body do the talking, and if I am thin enough they just fall like flies. And mind you, I have no boobs. 

I never had to work to be good and dancing. And then, age and a knee injury happened. I had to push my body into obeying my brain´s will. I have to do this everyday, or I´ll lose it again. I have to work harder than everybody in my class. The smile on my face and the rush in my veins after I nail the complicated step is totally worth it. 

I never had to make a conscious effort to be in denial. And then, this thing happened to me. I am totally making it work for me. I push and force myself into feeling better, until the day when I finally am. When it´s not a lie anymore.  

I never had to think about my decisions as an actress. And then, I went to class with Elia Schneider. It made me better because I had to work... no, that´s an understatement, I had to break my back and fight and live and breathe and study and try and fail and try again and bust my ass off for it. I had to learn how to react to my impulses and my partner´s. I had to learn how to turn off my brain. I had to listen. I had to be there and let things happen to me. I had to step it up and I´m still working on it. 

I never had to write and rewrite. And then I opened a blog so I could practice. And I became critical and cynical about my words, my style, my way, my grammar. I beat myself up really hard because I really wanted to become a better writer. And I think I am on the right path, or the path that´s right for me anyways. It´s been an amazing journey. 

I never had to work at being funny. And then I started to write a stand up routine. Still on it.

What I want to say is, there is no feeling in this world like finally getting something you worked really hard for. I am not a quitter and I sure as hell ain´t mediocre. I will not rest. I will fight. I will succeed. I will do this. I will be good at it or I will suck, but I will do it. And I´ll keep working really hard to not suck. The risk is too big and I love it. I have everything to lose and that´s what makes it so exciting. 

Life is so much more worth living when it´s a perennial Ithaca. I´ve worked for being more patient my entire life and I finally think I´m grasping the concept.