¿Remember Meredith Grey, MD? I do.

I was 19 when Grey´s Anatomy started production. I am almost 28 now, which means I´ve spent the better part of a decade watching Meredith and the rest of the interns (now dead, fired, gone or with crappy storylines) go through their medical and personal growth. 

I think I loved the show because there is a little Meredith Grey in all of us. And when I say "all of us" I mean me. I shield myself in the concepts of community and womanhood as a whole because I do not want to be alone in this. I do not want to be the only one who is, or was, dark and twisty. 

I loved Grey. Seeing as I am not shallow enough to watch novelas, but not geeky enough to watch History Channel a looked for my drama and my love stories where I could find them. That was, very early on, during the show´s regular scheduled hours on Sony LA and now, like everybody else who has started hating commercial breaks and waiting a full week while some subtitles the thing, I watch it online. For free, yeap. 

I spent a long time with Meredith. I watched her love and selfsabotage and love and selfsabotage again. I watched her stick a hand in a bomb, I saw her almost drown when she refused to swim, I watched and projected myself onto her daddy issues, I loved how loyal she is to her friends, I started calling Flo my person, just because that´s what they did, I cried on a plane crash, I baked popcorn and put on some socks to be formal on their wedding days (both of them). I watched her frustration and anger with not being pregnant, until she found Zola and the finally gave birth to Bailey. Hmmm... shoud have named him tequila, since that´s all she drank during the first two seasons. I have found myself desperately sad, wanting to cry, and just watching over and over again my favorite, saddest episodes so I wouldn´t be so lonely in my crying–I am not normal, that has been established... but even normal people find themselves wanting or needing to cry for no apparent reason (I think). 

I have done it all, with her. I have compared my friend´s who are doctors lives with each phase of Grey´s: "are you an intern? What year intern? Like, when she was with Derek or  when she left him on Cristina´s wedding day? Resident as in when George died or juuust before they got their attending navy blue scrubs?" 

What can I girl do but relate? What can I do, but relate and understand? What can I do, but yell at her because I won´t face the music and yell at me? She was a completely egotistical, selfish, whiny, stupid girl who didn´t know she was loved by the best man there ever was in the history of TV. Or maybe she knew but that scared the bejesus outta her. That´s where our problem lies. 

 I have loved too many men in the last decade. No. I have liked too many men in the last decade, I have only loved two. Both of them were not worthy of all that love. And every single time I´ve know I could fall in love with these other few men, I have chickened out. Like Meredith. Well, that is not true. She made the good call in the end, sorry I can´t say the same thing for Shonda. She grew and matured. She got better with time. She found a way to mature and grow and accept Derek´s undying love. She learned and understood drama is not what life is about. She loved and lost and fought back and cared again. She didn´t stay in relationships that weren´t right. She fought herself and won. 

The question is, will I?