No Es Lo Mismo, Panita.

Si la frase "yo quiero ser tu amigo" no viene acompañada de "con derechos," la respuesta inevitablemente va a ser "no, gracias."

Porque como leí por ahí "amigos ya tengo, lo que necesito es una cogidita."

Pero, generalmente, lo que uno escucha va más o menos así:
-Bueno, pero yo puedo ser tu pana.
- Ok.

Lo que quiere decir:
-No me pareces lo suficientemente atractiva como para tener algo contigo.
- Ok. Y nos hacemos amigos, poco a poco lo conquisto y él se enamora de mí porque se da cuenta de lo atractiva, inteligente, buena persona y simpática que soy, y nos casamos en 2010 en La Esmeralda.

Éste es el único problema que no te tengo, los pajaritos preñados y yo no nos llevamos tan bien, pero debía ser especificado.

Not All Women Can... Deux.

Party all night without sweating and/or looking like shit after a few hours.
Hold their liquor.
Not drink.
Be proper.
Play the piano.
Like cats.
Quit smoking.
Want to quit smoking.
Listen to certain kinds of music.
Own and use BBs properly.
Care if the guy we are seeing has a BB or a Baby Nokia.
Edit themselves.
Stop thinking out loud.
Enjoy everybody's company all the fucking time.
Be in a normal relationship.
Read just Condorito.
Fall in love with or actually care about ordinary men.
Call men who have already rejected us in any way.
Cry for assholes.
Stop crying for assholes.
Introduce said plants disguised as men to our friends or family.
Love.
Care about anyone but themselves.

PS: when in doubt, read title AND statement.

Not All Women Can...

Cook.
Understand what the deal is about Brad Pitt.
Keep plants alive.
Make a bed.
Un-make a bed properly.
Iron.
Remember how many guys they have made-out/slept with.
Cry.
Tell apart Egg-Shell from Ivory.
Love puppies.
Relate to Sex And The City (this one, I really don´t get).
Eat only lettuce and pineapple juice for a week.
Wear thongs.
Turn on the washer.
Turn on the dryer.
Straighten their hair with a blowdryer or iron thingy.
Name the iron thingy correctly.
Smile when they just don´t fucking feel like doing so.
Use the words "feelings."
Know if their clothes match.
Say no.
Say yes.

Capítulo 1.

Lo que dicen:
Ella: ¿Qué vas a hacer hoy?
Él: ni idea, ¿tú?

Lo que significa:
Ella: invítame a salir porque quiero verte hoy.
Él: ni idea, ¿tú?