jueves, 23 de mayo de 2013

¿Remember Meredith Grey, MD? I do.

I was 19 when Grey´s Anatomy started production. I am almost 28 now, which means I´ve spent the better part of a decade watching Meredith and the rest of the interns (now dead, fired, gone or with crappy storylines) go through their medical and personal growth. 

I think I loved the show because there is a little Meredith Grey in all of us. And when I say "all of us" I mean me. I shield myself in the concepts of community and womanhood as a whole because I do not want to be alone in this. I do not want to be the only one who is, or was, dark and twisty. 

I loved Grey. Seeing as I am not shallow enough to watch novelas, but not geeky enough to watch History Channel a looked for my drama and my love stories where I could find them. That was, very early on, during the show´s regular scheduled hours on Sony LA and now, like everybody else who has started hating commercial breaks and waiting a full week while some subtitles the thing, I watch it online. For free, yeap. 

I spent a long time with Meredith. I watched her love and selfsabotage and love and selfsabotage again. I watched her stick a hand in a bomb, I saw her almost drown when she refused to swim, I watched and projected myself onto her daddy issues, I loved how loyal she is to her friends, I started calling Flo my person, just because that´s what they did, I cried on a plane crash, I baked popcorn and put on some socks to be formal on their wedding days (both of them). I watched her frustration and anger with not being pregnant, until she found Zola and the finally gave birth to Bailey. Hmmm... shoud have named him tequila, since that´s all she drank during the first two seasons. I have found myself desperately sad, wanting to cry, and just watching over and over again my favorite, saddest episodes so I wouldn´t be so lonely in my crying–I am not normal, that has been established... but even normal people find themselves wanting or needing to cry for no apparent reason (I think). 

I have done it all, with her. I have compared my friend´s who are doctors lives with each phase of Grey´s: "are you an intern? What year intern? Like, when she was with Derek or  when she left him on Cristina´s wedding day? Resident as in when George died or juuust before they got their attending navy blue scrubs?" 

What can I girl do but relate? What can I do, but relate and understand? What can I do, but yell at her because I won´t face the music and yell at me? She was a completely egotistical, selfish, whiny, stupid girl who didn´t know she was loved by the best man there ever was in the history of TV. Or maybe she knew but that scared the bejesus outta her. That´s where our problem lies. 

 I have loved too many men in the last decade. No. I have liked too many men in the last decade, I have only loved two. Both of them were not worthy of all that love. And every single time I´ve know I could fall in love with these other few men, I have chickened out. Like Meredith. Well, that is not true. She made the good call in the end, sorry I can´t say the same thing for Shonda. She grew and matured. She got better with time. She found a way to mature and grow and accept Derek´s undying love. She learned and understood drama is not what life is about. She loved and lost and fought back and cared again. She didn´t stay in relationships that weren´t right. She fought herself and won. 

The question is, will I? 

1 comentario:

Mariale divagando dijo...

You will, Nina.

Yo tengo el mismo tiempo que tú sufriendo con Meredith, no lloro con ella porque vos sabéis que no puedo (bueno, no sé si sabéis, el punto es que no puedo y ya), pero sí me he calado tooodos estos años sin pelar un episodio.

También tengo casi seis años leyendo tu blog y, al igual que nos pasó con Meredith, he visto tus días buenos y tus días malos, cuando has estado feliz y cuando has estado triste, he visto cuánto has crecido, te he visto pelear contra ti misma y ganar, y no tengo dudas de que eso es lo que seguirás haciendo.

Así como ahora miras hacia atrás y te provoca ir a meterle un coquito a la Nina que en algún momento se autosaboteó o se dejó manipular, así como has aprendido a no cometer esos mismos errores, seguramente un día verás a la Nina de hoy, que todavía tiene en su vida más drama de lo recomendable, y le dirás «¿Viste, galla? ¡Ya te superé!».

Mientras llega ese momento, don't beat yourself up too much and keep being Super(wo)man.