lunes, 15 de junio de 2015

This time I am a wisher, not a doer

I wish I could tell him that I miss him every day.

I wish I could tell him that his silence hurts me.

I wish I could tell him that I want to remain friends, since I know it's all I am capable of and all he wants from me.

I wish I didn't feel like he tricked me into this. Well, that.

I wish he knew how happy our daily chats made me.

I wish he wasn't hot as hell.

I wish  he could give me more.

I wish I could be what he needs.

I wish we both wanted the only thing he wanted.

I wish I could get there that fast.

I wish to never have sex again, it's messy in every way.

I wish I knew how to handle this.

I wish I had said no.

I wish he knew I never meant to scare him. All I did was from the heart. And yes, I know it is too big a heart for such a tiny person.

I wish I knew how to take care of it properly.

I wish it could have always been the way we were.

I wish I could tell him I know I fucked up, but he did too.

I wish I could tell him "I told you so".

I wish I could say I always knew it was going to end like this.

I wish I could tell him I learned so much from him.

I wish he listened more.

I don't wish he changed anything, because I like himjust as he is.

Was.

I wish I could cry over this too, but it is not that important.

I wish I could tell him it just looks like he did what he wanted and then bailed like an asshole.

I wish he understood how his final words were douchy.

I wish he knew just how much the fact he showed up at the hospital meant to me.

I wish I could say that I am not a fan of sweaty hand holding, but he wouldn't believe me.

I wish, even though it was mindblowing, that it had never happened.

I wish he cared as much as I do.

I wish everyone knew how to be friends like I do.

I wish I knew then what I know now: they say anything to get into your pants.

I wish he knew how sad and lonely I feel.

I wish I hadn't believed anything he said. That nothing would change, that he liked me, that he cared about me.

I wish I had remained firm and never let him talk me into anything.

I wish we had time to do all the things we saod we were gonna do.

I wish I had been smarter and remained in my Sheldon Cooper phase.

I wish he would have listened without prejudice.

I wish we would have spent more time kissing instead of debating.

I wish he would have let me talk more.

I wish we were more tolerant. Both of us.

I wish he stood by me, like he said he was going to.

I wish he would have given me what I wanted.

I wish he was braver.

I wish I was.

I wish he knew I love him as a friend and like him as a man.

I wish we had more time.

I wish I could undo all we did wrong. Yes, we.

I wish he knew we are both to blame, that I am not irrational and that I am sure we could have had something that worked for both of us.

I wish I could leave this town.

I wish we hadn't bonded.

I wish we hadn't become as close as we did.

I wish I could talk to him about my day.

I wish I had gone to the beach that day, maybe he would have seen more of me. Real, smart, funny, extroverted, spontaneus, fun, chill, loving, committed to pleasing and entertaining people me.

I wish he knew I am still here if he ever needs me.

I wish he knew that I tried to be the best friend I could, and eventhough it hurt me when he pushed away I now know that some people heal better in silence and their space.

I wish he said hi.

I wish I was brave enough to say hi, but he is going to dismiss it.

I wish I could forward a funny voicenote somebody sent me today.

I wish he knew just how much he means to me.

I wish he would acknowledge feelings.

I wish I didn't feel them.

I wish this didn't make me feel like I pushed him.

I wish I could stop blaming myselff for something that is not entirely my fault.

I wish I knew how to fix this.

But I am not going to, because it's a wish, not a goal.