I had a talk with my ex last week. Pppfff, let me tell you, I’ve never done anything that required more guts. I just felt such anger and rage. As the words came out of my mouth the tears just started flowing. It was so embarrassing to cry in front of him like that, well, not just in front of him … a lot of people stared too.
I told him absolutely everything, I told him everything exactly how I felt it, every single word. I was so angry at him for leaving me, I told him how I would never forgive him for … yeah, well, for leaving me. He left me alone… no one to turn to, no one to love… I just came right up to him and said:
" what do you expect me to do? Hang on to memories for ever? Hang on to memories in order to live? Hang on to memories as a pathetic excuse of life since you are not with me? Why did you have to move on so quickly? I definitively know, I am 100% sure you already moved on to bigger and better things. I mean, don’t they all? But what about me? What about me? What am I going to do every time I come home to an empty house? How am I supposed to live with the fact that I won’t have to put up with your nail-biting, your obsession for neatness and your appalling cooking, even though they drove me fucking insane ? I will never forgive you for leaving, I will never forgive you for not fighting for us hard enough, I will never forgive you for making my life great and then walking away from it, just leaving the greatest gap and emptiness I’ve ever known… I will never forgive you for teaching me a whole new dimension of sad”.
And then I just threw the damn flowers at the headstone, got in my car and drove like hell away from the cemetery, without even considering stepping foot on that creepy place again.