domingo, 30 de noviembre de 2008

The Power of Hook Ups, The Power To Hook Up.

Call it "vague relationship," "non-dating," "booty call," or "anything from actual intercourse to only making out with no plans whatsoever to commit." Potato, po-tah-to,vodka.

There are several factors involved when one has to choose between being a Serial Dater vs. a Hook Up-er (no pun inttended). Whether you want to become a lifer, like those of us who are scarred for life, in addition to being way too independent for our own good; or are just looking to have a good time while you fall in love and settle down... just as long as you don't think it's going to be with any of those. Some of those factors are:

1. Who Has Time To Have a Boyfriend?
Let's be honest, men have to be fed and walked and trained and played with constantly so they won't get bored and pee on the couch. And quite frankly, between going to the gym, working to pay for food, rent and Aldo, networking, having lunch with girlfriends, watching Grey's and Gossip Girl and re-reading He's Not That Into You who has the time and energy to devote to shaping up the dude? Problem is, that in this particular case hiring a trainer would be basically making him cheat on you with his ex and future girlfriend.

2. Sh, Just Buy Me Another Round, You'll Soon Be Handsome.
No hook up story that is worth telling starts with "I was completely sober and..." When one drinks one doesn't care if the guy has three arms (no complaints if he has three legs, tough). Alcohol makes men smarter and cuter, and if it doesn't it makes you bolder and braver. If not, it makes you stop caring. Also, it's plain old weird, less fun and frigging inappropriate if you make out with one of your co-workers in the middle of a conference call to China, in the middle of broad daylight, as opposed to doing it over Martinis in the bar two blocks down your office. Besides, when was the last time you felt like getting some after having a grande caramel frap? Thought so.

3. Text Life, Hence Sex Life.
One has to wonder how the human race reproduced without cellphones. Also, one has to wonder if there will even be a human race after they finally develop and sell the phone with included Breath Analysis Software. And yes, It is true that text messaging is the new phone call. This also applies to "bitch is the new black," but that's another type of power that is not relevant right now.

4. Defensive, Me? Surely, Mr. Asshole, You Are Mistaken.
Smart people get tricked to think that a.holes really like them on a daily basis. Rings fall off fingers everytime. Or are thrown at the lying cheating bastard. Since we can now decide not to get our hearts broken without becoming a hermit, we choose to put out instead of putting ourselves out there.

When one finally decides to hook up with someone, whether it's going to be a one time thing only or several nights a month, in order to keep our mental sanity it's important to be clear about the fact that sex is just sex--and a kiss is just a kiss, unless it's drunk kissing and your friends are there, in which case it's called Thou Shall Be Mocked Until Death--and love is a whole other story. It's sad that most women still relate them closely, blame our parents and society, but we are not most women, are we? Besides, you don't have to do it if it makes you feel bad about yourself... but you must do it if the fact that you are a hook up-er doesn't make you feel like a hooker and if you don't let the fact that you are kind of, sort of, maybe, sometimes, perhaps, "with" someone, define you. First, I kick ass; second, I'm a woman, third; I'm made of awesomeness, fourth, I'm fun and fearless; fifth, I'm brilliant; sixth, I'm (you really should see my point by now)... theeen, I just happen to enjoy awkard mornings and random make out sessions more than dinner and a movie. One must understand that IMing is ok, SMSing is ok too... phone call is a big No No. Unless you are drunk in which case just do it... until he picks up the damn phone. You can always appologize the day after, after you have taken care of your hangover, that is.

4 comentarios:

Pedro dijo...

Lo que jode los hook-ups es que la gente los racionaliza demasiado. “¿Por qué pasó? ¿En qué estaba pensando?” Coño, porque es divertido. Porque querías, y listo. Porque, como tú dices, dinner and a movie is just not that fun.

No sé si este post es eso –una racionalización de los hook-ups- o un llamado a no racionalizarlos. Sea como sea, muy buen post.

Beatriz E Moreno dijo...

jajajajajaja Todavia no he decidido mi posición con respecto a esto! Creo por ahora que ambas cosas me gustan. PERO i'll get back to you cuando decida que es lo que pienso de pana al respecto!

Lo! dijo...

jajajaja dado el caso que tenemos millones de cosas en comun, quizas pueda adelantarte que te aburriras de esto y te hara falta algo que no sea solo sexo, te haran falta las llamadas por cualquier cosa y sin duda alguna te hara falta un buen conversador!!! por todo esto te deseo mejor suerte que la mia!! jajaja besito Nina! ya me copie parte de tu blog en mi nick pero no estabas jajaja

Tica dijo...

A random hookup is like a half eaten sandwich in the fridge, you don't know who ate it first, but you know it's 2 am and you're hungry