miércoles, 6 de agosto de 2008

Dear Edward Cullen:

Breaking Dawn SPOILER ALERT. (AND RANT).

I love you. I always will. But this Stephenie Meyer person is just fucked up. Next JK Rowling, my ass. I will just pretend Eclipse was the final book of the series, because I much rather leave your life story incomplete than having it that way. That way we can write I knew one. Ours.

JK Rowling taught us that some young adult novels can be longer than 500 pages. Stephenie Meyer showed us the reasons wich some of those novels SHOULDN´T. She had in her hands the opportunity to send a very powerful message, and she sent the wrong one. Yei for making her characters wait til after they´re married to have sex. Good way to end all this babies having babies thing and STD epidemics. And then in this book, she makes you, Edward "Hollier Than Thou" Cullen, tell Bella to have an abortion and enter an open marriage with Jacob Black, just so she can have a baby. Can anyone say "out of character"?

She also made it sound like if you marry young, into a wealthy family, disregard your college education and have a baby you will be happily ever after. Honey, just because she´s a mormon and wouldn´t be doing much than changing diapers if it weren´t for the creativity displayed in the first three books, doesn´t mean that this generation of teenage women should do the same! She blew it. She really blew it, Edward.

Cliche, and then another cliche, and another one and another one. Jacob, who I hate but loves Bella, Imprinted on your daughter with her. Predictable. Oh, no! It wasn´t cuz vampires can´t have babies. She said it from the beggining. And then didn´t properly explain the "loophole" that miraculously allowed a human being get impregnated by a fucking vampire, come on! Don´t even get me started with the name of the kid! Edward, you are a super powerful vampire, couldn´t you tackle her and make her name the thing something else than "Renesmee Carlie"?! I frigging hope Harry Potter got his Baby Naming Book back.

Another thing, Ed. Were all the Italics really necessary? I mean, all book 2 from Jacob´s POV was written like this. It can get really annoying, even if it is thoughts what she was writing down. She should be put away. Honestly.

Jacob´s blond jokes were funny. Alice coming up with a never heard before nickname for Jasper was totally out of the blue. Not cool. Rosalie is a selfish little bitch who should have died at the battle scene... battle scene? Oooh wait!

Battle scene. No battle scene. I wanted the Volturi to freak out and go apeshit on the Cullens. But no, a 3-month old vampire was as powerful as them. And she had a "love shield." Oh, wait! Harry Potter is shielded by his mother´s blood. Because she loved him so much that she gave her life to protect him. IDIOT. It´s called disguised plagiarism, Edward. It was just too much to handle. Very clever considering 90% of her FORMER fandom read Harry Potter too. And thanks to that pathetic excuse of a book of hers, that´s all they will ever read. Jo made them read and now they´ll just have to go back to Playstation and downloading porn.

Yes, downloading porn beacuse there was no sex scene. No sex scene. AND and no battle. OK, fine, let´s pretend there was no battle beacuse it is a romance novel for young adults. THEN GIMME A SEX SCENE. The bitch made us wait three books to have a semi graphic description (I wasn´t expecting Venus Channel or Playboy magazine) of how a vampire could not kill the woman (teenager) he is sleeping with. But no! wait, she´s a mormon. And her 3 kids were brought in by a delivery guy. She may be richer than me, but she´s a fucking pussy! And come on, but why should her belief system be shoved at my face when I´m reading a book to entertain myself? And if she at least were coherent! Abortion wrong. But open marriages and pedophiles, even if it "isn´t like that," are ok. Those will get you a spot right next to God.

She single handedly murdered literature and I really don´t know what her editors were thinking when the allowed her to publish this ABOMINATION. I´m so disappointed. I really thought she could wrap it up nicely, she had all the potential in the world and didn´t live up to it.

Whatev. How you doin´? Still on for tonight? Pick me up at 8. Muaks.

4 comentarios:

Verónica dijo...

¡Hola! Sé que no me conoces de nada. Caí aquí por pura casualidad y me topé con este post. Estoy tan decepcionada como tú de Breaking Dawn. Quería comentar algo, ¿puedes creer que en la página de la saga en FB hay toda una discusión de un montón de niñitas gafas diciendo que odiaron el libro porque era demasiado sexual? No sé qué habrán leído ellas. En este mundo hay gente con problemas graves, de verdad.

Apartando lo anterior, ¡me encanta leerte!

Saludos.

Manuela dijo...

Nina, ¡te apoyo 100%! Es Manu, la roommate de Verito Ruiz del Vizo. Para mí el mejor libro fue Eclipse, luego todo va en una caída libre estrepitosa y terrible. Eso sí, no se le quita lo enviciante a la saga, es DEMASIADO enviciante. Yo hice una crónica sobre el vicio de Crepúsculo en Ojo, en el cuarto número (el de portada moradita).

Amo como escribes

Mandy dijo...

Lei los cuatro libros enviciada por una amiga y pienso y lo sostengo que fue un fin de semana de mi vida que nunca nunca nunca nunca voy a recuperar, me encata la lectura y me encanta recomendar buenos libros a la gente pero recomendaria estos ni muerta como esta mujer es millonaria por vender esto y a JR WARD no le han hecho ni una propuesta para hacer aunque sea una serie en HBO de THE BLACK DAGGER BROTHERHOOD es increible.

Mandy dijo...

Lei los cuatro libros enviciada por una amiga y pienso y lo sostengo que fue un fin de semana de mi vida que nunca nunca nunca nunca voy a recuperar, me encata la lectura y me encanta recomendar buenos libros a la gente pero recomendaria estos ni muerta como esta mujer es millonaria por vender esto y a JR WARD no le han hecho ni una propuesta para hacer aunque sea una serie en HBO de THE BLACK DAGGER BROTHERHOOD es increible.