domingo, 24 de julio de 2011

48

There is nothing here. I destroyed every trace of feeling for him. For all of them. I am interested only in my present and my future. And when I say “my” that´s exactly what it means. There is no room for the memories of any of you in my life. Because I am making new ones for myself. No men, just me.

Every cloud, every shadow, every doubt all of it, they are gone. It doesn´t matter anymore. I am not going to make the road harder than it already is. I´m starting fresh and with lighter baggage. I stopped caring about all of you. Every single one of you.

I want to forget it all. The good, the bad, the ugly and the pretty. I want to not care about anyone of them. I am tired of thinking about the men in my past. How they affected me, how they tried to define even how I never let their love or their interest define me. I am tired of the memories and the flashbacks. I am tired of wondering what would have happened to me had I made a different choice. If I had fought for them, would things be different? Would I have changed? Would I be the same girl I came to love and respect?

Were my choices truthful? Or was I just scared to like people as much as I liked some of them? Better yet, did I really like them? I loved the ones I said I loved, I am sure of that, but how about the ones I liked? I think I didn´t like them as much as I said I did. Was it me just being the selfish little bitch I used to be? Well, the selfish little bitch I still am, most of the time. That was probably so. Then why do I still wonder about them and the possibilities of what never started? Fine, it ends today. I have never been afraid of endings, because I understand how important begginings are. I am just making room.

You will all now be in the Safe to Forget category, as opposed to the one you were before--Easy to Remember. It was unfair to keep you there for as long as I did. Most of all, it was undeserved.